Humor
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical.
After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years later his company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines.
They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.
He spent a day studying the huge machine.
At the end of the day he marked a small x in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.
The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.
They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing.
He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear; right on top of him; reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out " Oh my God!..."
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The Atheist looked directly into the light and said: "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice.
The light went out.
The river ran again.
And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw.....brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke:
"Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful. Amen."
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon."
Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago."
Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something.
If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way.
Now, what was it she wanted?"
"Rain."
One day the sun was shinning brightly and the optimist said, "Great day, eh?"
The pessimist said, "The stupid sun will burn the crops."
The next day it rained. Again the optimist tried to engage his friend, but the pessimist's only response was: "Stinking rain will wash out all the seed!"
So the optimist took his friend duck hunting, which he loved.
After the first duck was shot the optimist dispatched his dog to fetch the duck.
The dog ran on top of the water, picked up the duck and ran back.
The optimist exclaimed "Did you see that?"
The pessimist replied, "Dog can't swim, eh?"
A small store owner was being pressured to sell his store to the owners of a large department store who had bought every building on the block, except his.
Frustrated by the man's refusal to sell, they eventually opened their huge store on either side of the small one, with a big banner running from one side to the other, proclaiming in huge letters "GRAND OPENING".
Below it, across the front of his small store, the man put up a small banner over his door: "MAIN ENTRANCE"
After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years later his company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines.
They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.
He spent a day studying the huge machine.
At the end of the day he marked a small x in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.
The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.
They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
- One chalk mark-------------------$1.00
- Knowing where to put it------$49,999.00
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing.
He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear; right on top of him; reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out " Oh my God!..."
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The Atheist looked directly into the light and said: "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice.
The light went out.
The river ran again.
And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw.....brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke:
"Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful. Amen."
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon."
Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago."
Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something.
If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way.
Now, what was it she wanted?"
"Rain."
One day the sun was shinning brightly and the optimist said, "Great day, eh?"
The pessimist said, "The stupid sun will burn the crops."
The next day it rained. Again the optimist tried to engage his friend, but the pessimist's only response was: "Stinking rain will wash out all the seed!"
So the optimist took his friend duck hunting, which he loved.
After the first duck was shot the optimist dispatched his dog to fetch the duck.
The dog ran on top of the water, picked up the duck and ran back.
The optimist exclaimed "Did you see that?"
The pessimist replied, "Dog can't swim, eh?"
A small store owner was being pressured to sell his store to the owners of a large department store who had bought every building on the block, except his.
Frustrated by the man's refusal to sell, they eventually opened their huge store on either side of the small one, with a big banner running from one side to the other, proclaiming in huge letters "GRAND OPENING".
Below it, across the front of his small store, the man put up a small banner over his door: "MAIN ENTRANCE"
